Relationship Flags: Red • Yellow • Green
Short version: Healthy relationships help you feel safe, seen, and free to be yourself. “Flags” describe patterns—not labels for people.
- Red flags = risk and harm
- Yellow flags = pause and a conversation
- Green flags = respect, care, and repair
What are the biggest red flags in a relationship?
Red flags are patterns of control, disrespect, or harm. Even one or two matter.
- Isolation or surveillance: cutting you off from friends/family; monitoring devices or social media.
- Belittling or humiliation: put-downs or shaming—public or private.
- Threats, intimidation, or violence: using fear, destroying property, pushing/hitting, or threatening self-harm to control you.
- Coercion and boundary violations: pressuring sex, tampering with birth control, interfering with reproductive choices.
- Financial control: restricting access to money, work, or accounts.
Why it matters: Abuse is about power and control—not “losing a temper.” If your body feels on edge, that’s information you can trust. Learn more: The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Is jealousy normal or a red flag?
Feeling a little jealous is human. Using jealousy to control you is a red flag. If jealousy “justifies” checking your phone, demanding passwords, limiting friendships, or dictating what you wear, that’s control—not care. Healthy partners name their feelings and work with you without surveillance.
What are “yellow flags” in dating?
Yellow flags are caution signs. They aren’t automatic deal-breakers, but they need attention and boundaries.
- Rushing the pace / over-intensity: wanting all your time right away; love-bombing.
- One-sided compromise: your needs routinely give way to keep the peace.
- Boundary-pushing: “It’s not a big deal” after you’ve said no; dismissing your limits.
What helps: Slow the pace, name what you’re noticing, set a boundary, and watch the response. If the behavior repeats or shifts toward control, it’s moving into red-flag territory.
What are green flags—signs of a healthy relationship?
Green flags point to safety, respect, and shared power.
- Open, low-stakes communication: you can bring up hard things and be heard.
- Trust + independence: privacy is respected; both of you keep friends, interests, and time alone.
- Equality, kindness, accountability: decisions are shared; apologies and repair are real.
Learn more: love is respect: Green flags • One Love Foundation (10 Healthy / 10 Unhealthy Signs)
How do I talk to my partner about a yellow flag?
Try this simple script (make it yours):
- Name the pattern: “I’ve noticed we’re moving really fast and I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
- Share your need: “I need more space this week—one night to myself and time with friends.”
- Invite collaboration: “Can we find a pace that feels good for both of us?”
What to notice: Curiosity and care are green flags. Ongoing dismissal or pressure is not.
What should I do if I notice red flags or feel unsafe?
Your safety comes first. You don’t have to decide everything today.
- Trust your body. If you feel scared or smaller around them, it matters.
- Document + plan. Keep notes/screenshots somewhere safe; consider a safety plan (The Hotline can help).
- Reach out. Talk to someone you trust or an advocate. You deserve support.
24/7 help: The Hotline (call, chat, or text; confidential)
In immediate danger: call 911
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
How are flags different for teens?
Teens are still building identity and boundaries, and power can tilt quickly (age gaps, social status, digital access). Behaviors teens may read as “romantic”—constant texting, jealousy, password demands, “us-against-the-world” isolation—are red flags for control. Early, non-judgmental education helps teens recognize healthy love.
Youth-focused resources: love is respect (youth arm of The Hotline) • CDC: Dating Matters (evidence-based prevention)
Can a relationship shift from red to green?
Yellow → green? Sometimes, with insight, boundaries, and follow-through.
Red → green? Only with real safety and sustained change. If there’s abuse or coercive control, safety—not reconciliation—is the priority. You never owe someone another chance at the cost of your wellbeing.
How do I set boundaries without feeling “mean”?
Boundaries protect connection—they’re not punishments.
- Be specific: “I won’t share passwords. I’m happy to text when I get home.”
- Limit + action: “If yelling starts, I’ll pause the conversation and revisit tomorrow.”
- Hold the line: A loving boundary is clear, kind, and consistent.
If your boundaries are repeatedly ignored, that’s data. You’re not “too sensitive”; your limit isn’t being respected.
Where can I learn more or get help right now?
- Collectively We Heal (therapy & support): trauma-informed, culturally responsive care; request a conversation — https://www.collectivelyweheal.com/
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: warning signs, safety planning, confidential support — https://www.thehotline.org/
- love is respect: teen/young adult healthy-relationship tools + live support —
